SUICIDE
| When someone that is very close to you dies, it's
difficult to let go. If the death was unexpected - the result of an
accident, for example - it's even harder to accept when someone chooses to
end their own life accepting that death can seem impossible. Unfortunately,
more people than ever before are living with the shock of suicide. In the past 30 years, suicides in the United States have increased by 11%, To about 30,000 per year. Suicides among adolescents have tripled. In 1984, 400,000 adolescents attempted suicide. More than 6,000 were successful, and because many suicides are reported as accidents, that figure may actually be much higher. Health professionals are calling adolescent suicide an epidemic. WHY SUICIDE? Physicians, ministers, psychologists and grieving families are all asking the same question: why are so many people choosing death over life? Some say that life has become more difficult, especially for adolescents. The days when teenagers could count on growing up and running the family farm or business are gone. Teens and young adults may feel overwhelming pressure to excel, to complete, to make their way in what they see as a hostile world. In fact, suicide victims are often success-driven. Studies have shown that there are more suicides among college students than non-college students, and more suicides at prestigious colleges than at others. Recent clusters of suicides have occurred in well-to-do suburbs where teens are expected to go to Ivy League schools and eventually excel in a well-paying profession. An alarming number of young people today believe they have no control over their lives. Rabbi Earl Grollman, who has written a number of books on death, says when he recently asked a group of young people how long they expected to live, many replied that they'd be dead by 21 - killed by nuclear bombs. At the same time, many traditional sources of security and strength in our society have broken down. A staggering divorce rate has broken the bonds of the family. A mobile American lifestyle keeps many children form developing a sense of hometown roots or of belonging to a community. Fewer people these days belong to a church. In short, today's teens feel pressure, but have fewer places to turn when the pressure becomes overwhelming. REACTIONS If some one you know has committed suicide, you may experience the normal grief reactions, but intensified. You may go into shock. You may feel numb, unable to move or to talk coherently. This shock is nature's way of protecting you, of letting you slowly accept what has happened. You may deny at first that your loved one is dead or a victim of suicide. It's common for family and friends of a suicide victim to insist that the death was an accident, despite all evidence to the contrary. You may become quite angry. You may feel that someone close to the victim should have seen warning signs and prevented the suicide - friends, parents, teachers, doctors, a spouse or any counselors the person was seeing. You may be very angry with the deceased for killing himself/herself, saying to yourself, "How could he/she do this to me?" There's a good chance that you'll feel angriest with yourself. "I should have done something! I should have stopped him or her!" you may say. Parents and spouses are especially likely to become burdened with this kind of guilt after a suicide. You may feel guilt for another reason: if the suicide victim's emotional turmoil had made him or her difficult for you to handle, you may feel a sense of relief that you don't have to worry about it any more - then feel guilty because "I wanted this to happen." You may feel profoundly sad or sink into a deep depression after the suicide . You may lose your appetite, have difficulty sleeping or become irritable. You may become obsessed with the deceased, playing out the circumstances of death over and over in your mind . You may even think you see or hear the suicide victim at times. DEALING WITH SUICIDE Grief is difficult, but is necessary. It is the process that let's us accept and cope with death. And it is something you will work through. One of the best ways to start this healing process is to attend the funeral. Funerals confirm that death has occurred and allow mourners to gather and share their grief while supporting each other emotionally. Your friends may feel awkward around you for awhile because they don't know what to say. Tell them when you want to talk about the deceased; and don't be afraid to use the word "suicide." It's important everyone accept what has happened. That includes children. You may be tempted to "protect" your children by concealing a suicide. Don't. They'll hear about it somewhere else and feel worse than if you'd told them. Simply explain that sometimes when people are very unhappy, they try to kill themselves. Let them know that suicide is a mistake, and they don't have to worry that you will commit suicide when you are unhappy. You may even find that talking to your children helps you with your grief. Meanwhile, if you have a heavy schedule, lighten it. Grief is stressful, and you don't need the added strain of to much to do. Find time to sit by yourself and put things back into perspective. Take care of yourself physically as well. Try to eat well, get enough sleep and exercise. Physical activity can help offset depression and provide you with an outlet for your emotional energy. The grief that follows suicide can be so intense that you may wonder if you need professional help. While there is no timetable for grief, if you think you aren't coping well, you might consider asking your clergyman, doctor to suggest a counselor. If nothing else, you may be relieved to discover that you are coping normally. A counselor may also be able to refer you to a self-help group for suicide survivors, such as a local chapter of Ray Of Hope or survivors of Suicide. Finally, remember that, in time, your grief will diminish. This doesn't mean you will forget about your loved one or condone suicide. It simply means you have learned to accept what happened and get on with your life. PREVENTING SUICIDE Health professionals have noticed a disturbing trend in recent years: cluster suicides, when one youth's suicide leads to others among his or her own peers. In a way, this is understandable. Depressed adolescents tend to drift together, forming bonds of despair. When one commits suicide and suddenly receives attention as some sort of tragic hero, others may be tempted to do likewise. If an adolescent commits suicide, parents of his peers should be alert for suicidal warning signs in their own children. The American Academy of Pediatrics lists these behaviors as warning signs: Noticeable changes in eating and sleeping habits Unusually violent or rebellious behavior Withdrawal from family and friends Running away Persistent boredom or difficulty concentrating Drug or alcohol abuse A drop in school performance Unusual neglect of appearance Radical personality changes Psychosomatic complaints Preoccupation with themes of death Giving away prized possessions Talking about suicide, even jokingly If you recognize these signs in a child, the academy suggests you take these steps: Listen. Don't dismiss the adolescent's problem as trivial. Be honest. If you're worried, say so. You will not start thoughts of suicide by talking about it. Share your feelings. Let the adolescent know he's not alone, that everyone feels depressed or sad at times. Get help. Find a physician, psychologist or qualified professional to handle the suicide problem. Don't wait for it to pass!
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